After waking up from my afternoon nap, my red bulging eyes and prickly sensation sent me scrabbling from my bathroom to under the covers on my couch again. Peaking out eyeing the room, my sight landed on the repulsive windows smeared with white and black lumpy pigeon droppings and an AC unit peeling with chunks of white paint chips with rust on the underside. Past the unworldly gruesome site, there’s the green forest of trees in Central Park that I’ve never walked in once. I start to realize living years in the crammed hellhole; I should enjoy the outside more. My studio made me feel like I was living in a naked mole rat hole, not see what was around me only burrowing under my covers on my sofa bed.
Sticking my foot out of the sheet, feeling for my slippers, in the process stubbed by a lose nail sticking out from the floorboard. Finally pushed myself out of the sofa with a grunt, I’m out the door with 4 locks and chains. While on the 42-year-old creaking elevator, I yearned for the waft of fresh air that would slam against me as I opened the lobby door.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
If you can read this, and not get dizzy. Feel free to.
1. When people ask me what am I afraid of, I blank out. Am I supposed to always respond with an answer that people are okay with? Such as, I’m afraid of bugs, or I’m afraid of heights. Am I supposed to be always afraid of something? But what if I say, I’m not really afraid of anything yet? This won’t go well with some people, some will start thinking, oh that girl is so fake or that girl is overly confident. But really, I just haven’t figured it out myself yet. I still have to look deep within myself to see the fear that I don’t want others to know. If I do finally know my fear, I will definitely update this.
2. Again, I don’t know what I’m willing to die for. I can say that I’m willing to die for my family. But what if the time comes and that doesn’t happen? Sometimes people say they are willing to die for something, but in reality, they won’t even know if they willing when the time comes. Because everything that happens, happen in that moment. No one would be able to know what he/she would be feeling in that moment, I won’t know until the time comes and I die for someone I really care about, then I will know what I’m willing to die for.
3. Music calms me down in the toughest times; it drowns out my sorrow and what I don’t want to hear. Before I discovered music in my early teens, I would get so depressed when I hear my parents fight because I have no way of blocking it out. But now music makes my life more ‘peaceful’, because I don’t have to face the yelling and words piercing each other in my home. Same as running, it’s my excuse to feel more at peace. I know it’s cowardly to run out when it’s like a battlefield in my house, but I run and run to take my frustration and make it into the sweat that comes out of my pours.
4. There are a lot of places that’s special to me, but closer to home would be the staircase in my building that is always empty. 50+ floors of stairs is my kingdom, when I bellow my heart out with my frustration or meet my friends in it, I can always forget what’s happening at home or school and get it out. Sometimes I just stay there and read or listen to music for ages where no one bothers me, that’s why the staircase is special to me.
5. I’ve been to a lot of places with my parents, I enjoy seeing different aspects of culture in this world, but it also inspires me in things I do. My music taste changes when I go to a different country, my view on the world changes when I go to a 3rd world country. I can’t say it makes me who I am, but it’s takes up a great deal of me.
6. When I have spare time and feel lazy, I just stay home where my friends are the computer and food. It doesn’t depress me that I spend hours on end at home watching soup because it relaxes me. Where as other people my age would go out and hang out, it’s my ‘hobby’ and I don’t have to worry about what others think of me inside my home.
7. One of my top goals in life is to have a job I love, from the experiences I hear around me, I don’t want to be stuck with a job that I hate for rest of life. Because it drives a person absolutely crazy to do what they hate for hours on end, so I want a job that makes me feel happy in what I do. Right now, I am thinking of becoming a nurse because they help people during their lowest time and don’t have all the pressure of being a doctor.
8. I feel happy when I set a goal for myself and achieve it, because it’s like running a furious race with yourself and winning at the end. I think this explains itself.
9. My day would suck if I didn’t have a shower in the morning to wake myself up, the whole day would just be like a blur to me and I won’t remember a thing that I did that day. Mornings are the most important to me because it maps out the rest of my day. If I got up feeling refreshed and have a nice breakfast, it would make my day so much better. Where I pay attention more in class and feel great for a test. Of course everything else counts too, to study, to finish all the homework and to go to class prepared.
10. Sometimes I feel like the future is so unnerving for me and other kids my age, compared to what teenagers went through 50 years ago. We now have to go through so much obstacles and competition compared to before. There’s double the competition now in the world to be up against, and it pains me to picture myself not doing what I want in the future, because thousands of others are fighting for the same dream I have.
2. Again, I don’t know what I’m willing to die for. I can say that I’m willing to die for my family. But what if the time comes and that doesn’t happen? Sometimes people say they are willing to die for something, but in reality, they won’t even know if they willing when the time comes. Because everything that happens, happen in that moment. No one would be able to know what he/she would be feeling in that moment, I won’t know until the time comes and I die for someone I really care about, then I will know what I’m willing to die for.
3. Music calms me down in the toughest times; it drowns out my sorrow and what I don’t want to hear. Before I discovered music in my early teens, I would get so depressed when I hear my parents fight because I have no way of blocking it out. But now music makes my life more ‘peaceful’, because I don’t have to face the yelling and words piercing each other in my home. Same as running, it’s my excuse to feel more at peace. I know it’s cowardly to run out when it’s like a battlefield in my house, but I run and run to take my frustration and make it into the sweat that comes out of my pours.
4. There are a lot of places that’s special to me, but closer to home would be the staircase in my building that is always empty. 50+ floors of stairs is my kingdom, when I bellow my heart out with my frustration or meet my friends in it, I can always forget what’s happening at home or school and get it out. Sometimes I just stay there and read or listen to music for ages where no one bothers me, that’s why the staircase is special to me.
5. I’ve been to a lot of places with my parents, I enjoy seeing different aspects of culture in this world, but it also inspires me in things I do. My music taste changes when I go to a different country, my view on the world changes when I go to a 3rd world country. I can’t say it makes me who I am, but it’s takes up a great deal of me.
6. When I have spare time and feel lazy, I just stay home where my friends are the computer and food. It doesn’t depress me that I spend hours on end at home watching soup because it relaxes me. Where as other people my age would go out and hang out, it’s my ‘hobby’ and I don’t have to worry about what others think of me inside my home.
7. One of my top goals in life is to have a job I love, from the experiences I hear around me, I don’t want to be stuck with a job that I hate for rest of life. Because it drives a person absolutely crazy to do what they hate for hours on end, so I want a job that makes me feel happy in what I do. Right now, I am thinking of becoming a nurse because they help people during their lowest time and don’t have all the pressure of being a doctor.
8. I feel happy when I set a goal for myself and achieve it, because it’s like running a furious race with yourself and winning at the end. I think this explains itself.
9. My day would suck if I didn’t have a shower in the morning to wake myself up, the whole day would just be like a blur to me and I won’t remember a thing that I did that day. Mornings are the most important to me because it maps out the rest of my day. If I got up feeling refreshed and have a nice breakfast, it would make my day so much better. Where I pay attention more in class and feel great for a test. Of course everything else counts too, to study, to finish all the homework and to go to class prepared.
10. Sometimes I feel like the future is so unnerving for me and other kids my age, compared to what teenagers went through 50 years ago. We now have to go through so much obstacles and competition compared to before. There’s double the competition now in the world to be up against, and it pains me to picture myself not doing what I want in the future, because thousands of others are fighting for the same dream I have.
The List
1. Things I’m afraid of: (still figuring this out)
2. What am I willing to die for: nothing yet.
3. What makes me feel at peace: Music, running,
4. Places that are special to me: The staircase in my building, my bed, that bench in my park.
5. What inspires me: traveling with my parents, successful people
6. Things I love to do during my spare time: eating, watch comedy, sleep.
7. My top goals in life: Go to a college that I like, get a job I really love, have a family to take care of.
8. What makes me happy: achieving a goal.
9. My day doesn’t feel right without: a nice long shower, 8 hours of sleep, filling breakfast, a run on the treadmill.
10. My insecurities: the future, bonds I have with people.
2. What am I willing to die for: nothing yet.
3. What makes me feel at peace: Music, running,
4. Places that are special to me: The staircase in my building, my bed, that bench in my park.
5. What inspires me: traveling with my parents, successful people
6. Things I love to do during my spare time: eating, watch comedy, sleep.
7. My top goals in life: Go to a college that I like, get a job I really love, have a family to take care of.
8. What makes me happy: achieving a goal.
9. My day doesn’t feel right without: a nice long shower, 8 hours of sleep, filling breakfast, a run on the treadmill.
10. My insecurities: the future, bonds I have with people.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Am I a Good Liar? (2 Lies, 1 Truth) (Check Tag for answer)
2 Lies, 1 Truth
1. I touched a baby crocodile during my vacation to South America with my parents in 2005. During the trip we stopped and stayed a few days next to the Amazon River in Peru, one day the tour group decided to tour the Amazon River on a small boat. It was really fun because we stopped along side the riverbanks and went into the deep jungle; I even saw and feed water to spider monkeys (?). The most memorable thing was during the boat ride, the tour guide decided to stop and catch a baby crocodile for the tour group to see. I was only 11 at the time and even though it was really small, it looked like a monster to the ‘mini’ me. But I gathered enough courage to touch its back, but only because the tour guide had its mouth and feet bind together. I learned some interesting facts on baby crocodiles, but I don’t remember them anymore because it was so long ago. This was the thing I remember most about my trip to South America besides the amazing scenery, food, culture and everything else that was there. I really wish I could go back to South America some day and revisit all the amazing places.
2. I used to be a bad girl in kindergarten and wear the cone of shame in the corner of the class in China. It was because my parents weren’t with me and I lived with my grandparents, I was basically out of control and wild. It was the past but really, I was the worst kid in class. I would fight with girls and boys, bully kids on the playground and not listen to a word that my teach say. I really regret it now because I wish I had a better memory of my childhood back in China. Sometimes I wonder why I was like that, it’s not comprehendible to me now because my mind set is different than before. I would also like to say sorry to my grandparents that always had to come and talk to the teachers about my bad behavior, it must have been hard for them to come to kindergarten every week to pick me up from the principles’ office.
3. I love jogging near where I live because it’s next to the Hudson River, the fresh air and smell of grass is the best thing to jog too. I also don’t feel left out or strange when I jog because there are tons of other people jogging too, I hate the feeling where everyone is looking at me because I’m jogging and everyone else is just walking to work or going to school. I feel like jogging cleans my brain from all the stress and nonsense I have to go through everyday at home and in school, sometimes I feel like just jogging forever and never looking back.
1. I touched a baby crocodile during my vacation to South America with my parents in 2005. During the trip we stopped and stayed a few days next to the Amazon River in Peru, one day the tour group decided to tour the Amazon River on a small boat. It was really fun because we stopped along side the riverbanks and went into the deep jungle; I even saw and feed water to spider monkeys (?). The most memorable thing was during the boat ride, the tour guide decided to stop and catch a baby crocodile for the tour group to see. I was only 11 at the time and even though it was really small, it looked like a monster to the ‘mini’ me. But I gathered enough courage to touch its back, but only because the tour guide had its mouth and feet bind together. I learned some interesting facts on baby crocodiles, but I don’t remember them anymore because it was so long ago. This was the thing I remember most about my trip to South America besides the amazing scenery, food, culture and everything else that was there. I really wish I could go back to South America some day and revisit all the amazing places.
2. I used to be a bad girl in kindergarten and wear the cone of shame in the corner of the class in China. It was because my parents weren’t with me and I lived with my grandparents, I was basically out of control and wild. It was the past but really, I was the worst kid in class. I would fight with girls and boys, bully kids on the playground and not listen to a word that my teach say. I really regret it now because I wish I had a better memory of my childhood back in China. Sometimes I wonder why I was like that, it’s not comprehendible to me now because my mind set is different than before. I would also like to say sorry to my grandparents that always had to come and talk to the teachers about my bad behavior, it must have been hard for them to come to kindergarten every week to pick me up from the principles’ office.
3. I love jogging near where I live because it’s next to the Hudson River, the fresh air and smell of grass is the best thing to jog too. I also don’t feel left out or strange when I jog because there are tons of other people jogging too, I hate the feeling where everyone is looking at me because I’m jogging and everyone else is just walking to work or going to school. I feel like jogging cleans my brain from all the stress and nonsense I have to go through everyday at home and in school, sometimes I feel like just jogging forever and never looking back.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
My mottos for my senior year 2010~2011
Albert Einstein: The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Francis Bacon: Knowledge is power.
Francis Bacon: Knowledge is power.
Welcome to my portfolio.
My personal goal(s) for this year in English class is…
~ To achive my 95 and above average in all of my classes.
~ To finish all my assignments on time and make sure it's scrupulous.
~ To eliminate my procrastination habit and to always finish my assignment without a glitch.
~ To try and use more SAT vocabularies in my everyday life and on paper. (Please correct me, if I used them incorrectly)
~ To go to sleep earlier every night, so I can be refreshed and attentive in all my classes the next day.
~ To use my time wisely in and out of school.
~ To achive my 95 and above average in all of my classes.
~ To finish all my assignments on time and make sure it's scrupulous.
~ To eliminate my procrastination habit and to always finish my assignment without a glitch.
~ To try and use more SAT vocabularies in my everyday life and on paper. (Please correct me, if I used them incorrectly)
~ To go to sleep earlier every night, so I can be refreshed and attentive in all my classes the next day.
~ To use my time wisely in and out of school.
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